Monday, 24 September 2007

You know how I know you're gay

Few weeks ago, a couple years too late, I finally got to watch The 40 year old virgin. It carried a fair bit of hype for me, partly due to its immense popularity but also due to its now famous cast. It is a movie that doesn't take itself too seriously, a bit crass at times but you should know that getting into it.

The stand out scene for me was the conversation over games between Cal and David of why they know the other guy is gay.

Cal: You know how I know *you're* gay? You just told me you're not sleeping with women any more.
David: You know how I know that you're gay?
Cal: How? Cuz you're gay? and you can tell who other gay people are.
David: You know how I know you're gay?
Cal: How?
David: You like Coldplay.

So Hamza and I have been going at each other for past few weeks. Here is an excerpt:

me: have some jelly bears and calm down
the bears taste better than the babies
Hamza:how is that possible
the taste that is
me:the bears are sweeter than the babies
Hamza: lol
you know how I know you gay
cos you think bears are sweeter
are you waiting for me to go home :)
me: no why
Hamza: you entered but it never come
me: you know how i know youre gay
Hamza: lol because I just said that line
me: that guy was telling me something
Hamza: ya ya
me: ya and you used smiley the other place
Hamza: thats not gay
the entered line is gay out of context
but smilies are not gay
me: what about the one with hearts in the eyes
what about this <3
Hamza: what eye hearts thing
me: the in love mood on mxit
Hamza: oh
I dont use that
me: ya ya
Hamza: but ill give you a gay star for trying
lol gaystar
me: you know how i know youre gay
Hamza: sounds like heman
me: you have gay stars to give

That log tells alot about the nonsensical and weird conversations Hamza and I have.

Heres a few I thought of for my friends, I hope they don't take offense and know it is only in jest.

You know how I know Hamza is gay:
-He doesn't like any sport
- He has more male Facebook friends than female (He is working on that now though)

You know how I know MJ is gay:
-He uses conditioner in his hair
-He has Snow Patrol and Nelly Furtado on his blog
-He rather play with Link than with Lara Croft

You know how I know OH is gay:
- He said people call him anal
- He has that potato heart on one of his posts
- His obsession with rugby

You know how I know AK is gay:
- His obsession with anime

You know how I know Shiraz is gay:
-His reaction when he saw Shah Rukhs six pack

You know how I know Joe is gay:
- her name is boyish

You know how I know Dew is gay:
- her comment on Mazozos post

You know how I know Queen_Lestat is gay:
- She swears way too much for a girl

Q, you are too girlish to be gay.

And because to laugh at others you have to laugh at yourself.

You know how I know Waseem is gay:
-He listens to Air Supply and Foreigner (According to Joe and Queen, they are classic songs in my defense)
-He plays and likes Viva Pinata (According to Hamza, Yuraaz and Shiraz)
-He uses a seatbelt while driving (According to Yuraaz)

Ok I have a idea for the every commenter to include in their comment why they think the previous commenter is gay. For the first commenter, the previous commenter was me. Nothing too offensive please.

Till next time in Waseem world






Monday, 17 September 2007

Praise the Lord

If you are a regular reader of my awesome chatbox, then you would know that Hamza recently won the Islamic Lottery (I was excited for Warmbaths reasons). I must admit some jealousy due to the fact I have never really won anything. Little did I know I would soon win the Christian lottery.

_________

From: sabine williams <> (Ed: Commented out the email so no-one can steal my winnings)
Date: Sep 13, 2007 10:00 AM
Subject: PILIPPIANS - 4 v13 - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
To:

PILIPPIANS - 4 v13 - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
Dear Beloveth,
From Mrs Sabine Williams
I am the above named person from Kuwait. I am married to Mr. Lobi Williams who worked with Ivory Coast embassy in Kuwait for nine years before we left to Abidjan where he was re-appointed as a navy officer before his untimely death in the year 2005.

We were married for eleven years without a child. He died in his home country Ivory Coast after a brief illness that lasted for only four days Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $7.3Musd (Seven Million Three Hundred Thousand U.S. Dollars) in cash concealed in a trunk box and deposits it with a security company here in Abidjan which he declare and register it as family valuables.
Recently, my Doctor told me that i have serious sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is the high blood preasure sickness. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church or individual that will use this fund for orphanages, widows,propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that "Blessed is the hand that giveth" I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision to contact you.

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that "the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace". I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband's relatives were around me always. I don't want them to know about this development.

With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply, with your full address and telephone contacts, I shall give you the contact of the security company here in Abidjan which he deposits trunk box. I will also issue you an authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of this trunk box(fund). I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in Spirit and Truth.

Hoping to receive your reply.presently,I am still in my late husbands home country Abidjan capital city of ivory coast.


Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs Sabine Williams

________
This is my reply

Dearest Sabine,

It is with tremendous happiness tinged with great sadness that I receive your mail. First let me explain the cause for sadness which is the death of your husband, who I will admit to not knowing (hence it only being a tinge of sadness) . He sounds like he was a wonderful guy though. I find that humor is the best medicine in times like these so let me share a joke.

How many Born-again Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Whoever heard of a born-again Christian who couldn't see the light?


OK it is a lame joke, I don't really even get it but as my friends can tell you I am not really good at the whole consoling thing.

My reason for happiness is that I have never won anything, and certainly not 7.3 Million US$. I know I have to "serve the Lord must serve him in Spirit and Truth" but still thats a lot of money, I could use about 3 million on the Lord and have the rest to spend, I am sure the Lord understands.

Another thing I have to admit before you give me all this money is that I am not Christian so I won't be able to fulfill your desires as you may have imagined. It sounds like you are pretty desperate, be it that you have
a "serious sickness which is cancer problem" and all that, so I will tell you what I will do. Since I also follow an Abrahamic religion, Islam, I will use the money in that way, so basically its for the same God, your aforementioned Lord.

Here is my plan for the money: I will build mosques and madressas all across Africa, sort of like a franchise thing. I was also thinking of including a fast food section in the mosques, cos God knows we Muslims love our take-out. I was thinking of a catchy name that rolls of the tongue, I'm going with Bassa's at the moment. Your input into this will be much appreciated.

Sorry for the late reply, but sometimes my internet at home doesn't work, I blame Telkom. Hope you will consider my offer and you will send me all that lovely money soon. I will send you my details once I receive your reply.

Take care
Waseem

P.S. You make me blush when you call me Beloveth

Till next time in Waseem world

Friday, 14 September 2007

Weird mind of Waseem 1

Have you ever wondered why Tamil men keep a mustache? Is it to counter Muslim guys who keep beards? I mean not all Tamil men keep them, but most of the older ones do. It is like a tradition thing. I'm serious go check on this if you don't believe me. And when they convert to Christianity, they keep their mustache as a remembrance. This hasn't seemed to have affected the younger generation though, but I don't know many religious Tamil guys. I have about 10 Tamil friends, and only 1 guy actually keeps his fast without complaining, he will probably have a mustache next time I see him.

Also I always thought mustache had an o in it, you live and you learn.

Till next time in Waseem world

Monday, 10 September 2007

Turkey is a dish best served cold

Hi, my name is Waseem and I was a smoker. I had my last cigarette 2 weeks ago. I don't get why the guys in those AA meetings, say 'I am an alcoholic' as opposed to 'I was an alcoholic' but anyway they say acceptance is the first step.

It may surprise most of you guys that I was/am a smoker but I won't get into the reasoning behind me smoking. You cannot explain the allure of smoking to a non-smoker or even the difficulty in giving up. I was not a heavy smoker though, I averaged around 4 a day, compared to guys I know who go through a pack a day, that is pretty decent.

Well two weeks ago, on a Saturday, I ran out of cigarettes. I normally never run out, I always have a new pack when the other is almost done, I took it as a sign. I have wanted to give up for a while now for a multitude of reasons so I think I just needed the push. The first Monday was the worst day so far, had some serious cravings, not like seeing people as big cigarettes or anything, but I did snap at my managing director for something (she does get annoying at times, in my defence). The last week wasn't too bad though, spent most of it sick with flu, which my friend Akbar says is part of the detox.

So I'm not good with these conclusion wrap up things. If you're thinking about what to get me for Eid, get me a post concluder, it will come in handy.

Till next time in Waseem world