Monday, 17 September 2007

Praise the Lord

If you are a regular reader of my awesome chatbox, then you would know that Hamza recently won the Islamic Lottery (I was excited for Warmbaths reasons). I must admit some jealousy due to the fact I have never really won anything. Little did I know I would soon win the Christian lottery.

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From: sabine williams <> (Ed: Commented out the email so no-one can steal my winnings)
Date: Sep 13, 2007 10:00 AM
Subject: PILIPPIANS - 4 v13 - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
To:

PILIPPIANS - 4 v13 - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
Dear Beloveth,
From Mrs Sabine Williams
I am the above named person from Kuwait. I am married to Mr. Lobi Williams who worked with Ivory Coast embassy in Kuwait for nine years before we left to Abidjan where he was re-appointed as a navy officer before his untimely death in the year 2005.

We were married for eleven years without a child. He died in his home country Ivory Coast after a brief illness that lasted for only four days Before his death we were both born again Christian. Since his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $7.3Musd (Seven Million Three Hundred Thousand U.S. Dollars) in cash concealed in a trunk box and deposits it with a security company here in Abidjan which he declare and register it as family valuables.
Recently, my Doctor told me that i have serious sickness which is cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is the high blood preasure sickness. Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to a church or individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want a church or individual that will use this fund for orphanages, widows,propagating the word of God and to endeavor that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that "Blessed is the hand that giveth" I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly way. This is why I am taking this decision to contact you.

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that "the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace". I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of my husband's relatives were around me always. I don't want them to know about this development.

With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply, with your full address and telephone contacts, I shall give you the contact of the security company here in Abidjan which he deposits trunk box. I will also issue you an authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of this trunk box(fund). I want you and the church to always pray for me because the lord is my shephard. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that Wants to serve the Lord must serve him in Spirit and Truth.

Hoping to receive your reply.presently,I am still in my late husbands home country Abidjan capital city of ivory coast.


Remain blessed in the Lord.
Yours in Christ,
Mrs Sabine Williams

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This is my reply

Dearest Sabine,

It is with tremendous happiness tinged with great sadness that I receive your mail. First let me explain the cause for sadness which is the death of your husband, who I will admit to not knowing (hence it only being a tinge of sadness) . He sounds like he was a wonderful guy though. I find that humor is the best medicine in times like these so let me share a joke.

How many Born-again Christians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Whoever heard of a born-again Christian who couldn't see the light?


OK it is a lame joke, I don't really even get it but as my friends can tell you I am not really good at the whole consoling thing.

My reason for happiness is that I have never won anything, and certainly not 7.3 Million US$. I know I have to "serve the Lord must serve him in Spirit and Truth" but still thats a lot of money, I could use about 3 million on the Lord and have the rest to spend, I am sure the Lord understands.

Another thing I have to admit before you give me all this money is that I am not Christian so I won't be able to fulfill your desires as you may have imagined. It sounds like you are pretty desperate, be it that you have
a "serious sickness which is cancer problem" and all that, so I will tell you what I will do. Since I also follow an Abrahamic religion, Islam, I will use the money in that way, so basically its for the same God, your aforementioned Lord.

Here is my plan for the money: I will build mosques and madressas all across Africa, sort of like a franchise thing. I was also thinking of including a fast food section in the mosques, cos God knows we Muslims love our take-out. I was thinking of a catchy name that rolls of the tongue, I'm going with Bassa's at the moment. Your input into this will be much appreciated.

Sorry for the late reply, but sometimes my internet at home doesn't work, I blame Telkom. Hope you will consider my offer and you will send me all that lovely money soon. I will send you my details once I receive your reply.

Take care
Waseem

P.S. You make me blush when you call me Beloveth

Till next time in Waseem world

11 comments:

!Joe! said...

:D lol, i laughed like a hyena (usually i laugh like a gorilla, so this must be good) at your franchise mosques and madressas and Bassa's Take-away idea :D im not sure about the name Bassa's though:) lol, im laughing too much...call it Anisa's or Alhamdulillah take away...how about something where you get to misspell a word, like My Diner's' (wherever they place the apostrophe) or Bake Caffe (how effed up is that)or call it something really horrible like Cracko Kids :) (duh that's a clothing store, but you know what i mean...)

saaleha. bamjee. said...

Bassa's is the rip Beloveth.
haha. That poor Christian soul.

The Organ Harvester said...

holy hunger buster, soulfood? maybe that's taken, one plate ekse. that joke was funny. poor christians, so misled, so destined to be wrong.

r said...

classy =P

Zahera said...

My god, you have a lot of time on your hands :-D

Libra said...

Gotta love fundamentalists...where ever you find them.

P.s. Organ Harvester: poor Christians? Have you read some of the e-mail we get from our fellow Muslim Brothers? Beloveth indeed.

The Organ Harvester said...

ja, libra, that was poor attempt at humour. i should stick to me day job

qdee said...

LOL!!classic

Shiraz said...

Lol - too funny. C'mon go with Dawood's, Kentucky Fried Samoosa's.

And yes Telkom is to blame....

M Junaid said...

this one ranks up there - with the great ones! (G)
i love the born again joke, and the bosom of the lord thing!
classic stuff

i wanna try this soon (but not too soon - after everyone forgets yours so that mine doesnt look weak by comparison :)

Bibi-Aisha said...

Gr8 reply,but too much time indeed. I cringe when i see subject lines and names that i just instinctively know is from some tosser who's depleting my energy by causing me to click delete