Wednesday, 31 October 2007

Hot/Crazy Scale

If you haven't watched How I Met Your Mother(HIMYM) as yet, I truly grieve for you and your non-How I Met Your Mother-watching soul. Seriously, you are missing out. I would watch HIMYM over that drama with superpowered people (this is also good show though), and Dawsons Creek with a DC twist(this one makes me sleepy just thinking about it) any day. It is true that my sister introduced me to this show, but since then I haven't looked back, I might have had a fleeting fancy for The Class, but HIMYM is etched into the records as one of my favorite shows of all time.

If you don't know by now (more grieving), HIMYM is about this guy Ted telling his kids the story of how he met their mother. It is mostly a relationship type comedy similar to Friends though, but so much better. Robin is hotter than Rachel, Monica and Phoebe rolled into one and Barney is funnier than Ross, Chandler and Joey altogether, easily.

So in the most recent episode of HIMYM, I have watched, Barney produced the Hot/Crazy scale, which can be used to balance the ratio between hotness and craziness. I googled this phenomenon and found Barney has a blog, where he has put a quiz up to measure hot to crazy. How it works is you rate your hotness from 1-10 (be honest), and then take the quiz to see where you fall on the scale.

1. You’re walking down the street and see Matt Damon. You:
a: Gawk from afar and let him pass unbothered.
b: Run up to him and beg to have his babies.
c: Stab him with a pen.

2. You’re driving on the freeway and someone cuts you off. You:
a: Take a deep breath, count to ten, and do a random act of kindness.
b: Hold down your horn and scream obscenities.
c: Stab him with his own broken windshield wiper.

3. You see a kitten stuck in a tree. You:
a: Call the fire department and wait for professional help.
b: Climb up and rescue it, then take it home to join the 125 other cats you currently care for.
c: Stab it with a tree branch.

4. You’re on a date with a fellow and it’s not going well. You:
a: Explain to him you’re just not compatible and offer to split the check.
b: Start a small fire in the ladies’ bathroom thus evacuating the restaurant and ending your date.
c: Finish your decadent five-course dinner, then stab him with a lobster claw.

5. Your boss makes a pass at you. You:
a: Report it to human resources.
b: Go for it, then blackmail him for the rest of his natural life.
c: Stab him with his tie.

6. The barista screws up your double skim, half café, no sugar added caramel macchiato. You:
a: Drink whatever she gives you, so as to not create a scene.
b: Throw the scalding hot beverage into the barista’s face.
c: Stab her with a coffee cup.

7. It’s Christmas, a time of giving, charity, and joy. One of the Salvation Army Santa’s won’t stop ringing the bell in front of your apartment. You:
a: Thank him for doing the Lord’s work and give generously.
b: Tar and feather him from your fifth floor balcony.
c: Stab him with his bell, then steal his bucket.

8. Your grandparents are in town visiting. You:
a: Happily show them around town taking extra special care of them.
b: Berate them for the measly 12 bucks they gave you on last year’s birthday.
c: Stab them with their dentures.

9. You find a wallet in the middle of the street. You:
a: Locate the wallet’s owner and return it as found.
b: Steal the person’s identity and live as them.
c: Locate the wallet’s owner and stab them with their license.

10. Your boyfriend proposes. You:
a: Tearfully admit that you’re already married but not opposed to polygamy.
b: You say, “Honestly, we’ve had a lot of great times together but I just don’t see a future between us” thus breaking his heart… then you pick up the pieces of said broken heart, and stab him with it.
c: Say, “Yes, yes, a million times yes!”

To find your “Crazy” rating, give yourself 0 points for every A response, 1 point for every B, and 2 points for every C. Take that total and divide by two. You now have your crazy number.

Now, using your self-assigned hot number, find your position on the Stinson Hot/ Crazy scale. Remember, you want to find yourself located on the hot side, not the crazy side. If the results are not to your liking, please adjust your appearance or personality accordingly.

N.B. All of the text highlighted in red was obtained from Barney's blog

I think everyone is a little crazy(some alot crazy) but as someone(Hamish or MJ) once said, crazy should be kept for the bedroom.

Till next time in Waseem world.

Thursday, 18 October 2007

Smarter than the average 5th grader

When I was in Grade 5, (or Standard 3 as it was known back in the day) I ran into pole, developed a crush for this girl named Fathima, played hide and seek, read books, watched an insane amount of TV and basically behaved like any normal pre-adolescent kid would. I was by no measure of imagination, a great mind or a pioneer in thinking. So this makes the premise of Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader somewhat puzzling. I mean perhaps it worked in America because Americans are stupid, but there again by association their kids must be stupid also. Unless they take the smartest 5th graders and pit them against the stupidest of adults, but that is not really achieving much.

Im Smarter than her

I was thinking about possible prizes they could have on the show. Something that is specific to this show, over and above the usual, money, car and ipods. This is what I think the prizes should look like.

Grand Prize
A 5th grade class has to do your job for a year, complete with punishments for below par performance.
Possible Punishment: No lunch break

Consolation Prize
A 5th grade classes allowance for the month, that will teach them for trying to play with the big people.

If the 5th graders win, you can buy them all ice cream or something, they are small, they can be easily pleased.

In other news, I have started a satire/sarcastic news blog with Hamza and MJ. We have few articles up at the moment , but the look is a bit bland. I'm still waiting for Hamza to do some layout design, that lazy madar. He thinks root canal is a valid excuse.

Till next time in Waseem world

Monday, 15 October 2007

Kurtah Krazy Klips

For some people, Eid may be an excuse to buy a new Pringle shirt and an Allstars. Not for me. I used Eid as an excuse to buy a kurtah.

It was my second choice, a black hoody type. My first choice was tad too tight, proving that fasting has done nothing for my physique (It was only narrow in the shoulders, now that I think about it). Well you can't always get what you want in life, and my life motto is 'Something is better than nothing'.

My kurtah wearing experience sparked my imagination into a possible invention to help kurtah users everywhere. Perhaps it has been thought of before but I put forward to you

'Kurtah Clips'

  • clip it on your hoody so it doesnt fall over your head when you go into Rukhu or Sajda
  • clip up your sides, so the people behind you don't put their heads in your kurtah, when they wake up after you from Sajda/Rukhu
  • possibly, be stylish and trendy
  • you could use them on abayas too, I guess
  • there are no other uses
I have been also thinking of inventions to keep fresh breath while fasting (keeping to Shariah of course), I haven't thought of anything as yet. As well as an invention to put the 'weeh' back in Taraweeh, but thats a tough one.

Till next time in Waseem world

Saturday, 6 October 2007

What they should be called

I imagine it must be difficult to name your inventions, it must be similar to thinking of subjects for posts and names for your kids. I assume inventors consider the functionality of their creation before giving it a name e.g. Toaster (Something you can't really do for your kids or you would have alot of people going by the name Cryer or Boob-sucker). I also think, on the premise that name is based on functionality, that some of todays inventions would have to be renamed. So here are a few inventions, I think, that based on current day functionality, should be renamed.

TV - Replacement Parent
Well you can guess why, TV seems to be raising more kids than parents because parents are too busy working. Another nominee for replacement parent is the live-in domestic worker.

Cellphone - Mxit Machine AKA F**K YOU MXIT
Ok if you're from SA, you can't honestly say you use your cellphone for anything more than you use it for Mxit. As much as I convince myself Mxit hates me, I still log on, its an addiction.

Internet - Pseudo-life
A wonder of the Internet is that it grants the tremendously unpopular to appear popular and/or cool. That is if you care about such things, and don't mind being fake to people, which most people don't seem to have a problem with.

That is as many as my fasting brain can come up with, if you can think of more, feel free to share.

Till next time in Waseem world