Monday, 4 February 2008

Weird mind of Waseem 2

Something I have been thinking about over the last few days ... why is it that women change their surnames to their husbands surname after marriage? It seems like alot of unnecessary trouble to me for her to go through the process of changing her name.

I've been thinking of this since I watched You, Me and Dupree (crap movie), when Michael Douglas asked Matt Dillon (who was married to Michael Douglas' daughter Kate Hudson) to change his surname to their surname, or at least a hyphenated version. Matt Dillon seemed very aggrieved by this and thought that this would emasculate him in the marriage. I thought about this, and personally, I would never change my name, because it is my identity. So in the same token, how can I expect my wife to change her surname? So I decided I will leave it up to her, assuming that I get married of course. There is a slight romance to your wife sharing your name though.

This creates another question though, what about the kids (again assuming)? Perhaps a hyphenated surname if she chooses to keep her surname. Might get a bit complex.

Till next time in Waseem world


Zahera said...

I hated that movie- it was soo utterly pooey! Waste of bloody 6 quid.
YOu know Islamically the woman doesnt have to change her name right? On the Day of Qiyamah you will be called by your fathers name (the wife will not be called by her husband's name) so its not necessary to change it.

There is something quite romantic about changing your surname to your hubby's though- i havent quite decided. I like my surname :-D

Noorjehaan said...

hey waseem do i have to be invited on a blog to comment? well i'm commenting anyways because i think marshall and lily should have their say here: "let's make our own surname. Hi, we're Mr. and Mrs. Awesome. Meet our kids: Totally and Frikking" :D

M Junaid said...

Hmm - tough one. I guess whatever makes my wife happy. (although secretly inside I hope she changes her surname to Khan - just for the kids sake)
but i will understand if she has a mean ass signature and doesnt want to change it.

Mrs Khan sounds right though. Katrina Khan - what do you think? I think Salman is onto something.

Nooj - ten points for quoting HOw I met your mum. On the other hand - did you watch the double dragon movie? the lee brothers - Ug and Home

Zesty ..... Chi (censored your surname in case you wanted some semblance of privacy) sounds good

shafs said...

cool post! a woman could choose hyphenating to keep her in touch with her professional identity or hav double id. professionally she wud be alpha feminiq and at home mrs omega:-) i guess i wud do that being a writer known..
wat abt name changes re ppl who 'change' religious affiliation tho? our society readily accepts
ppl who embrace islam if they hav familiar indiany names. i think thats a crass prejudice.

Waseem said...

Zahera - I read that about being called by your fathers name recently.

Nooj - thanks for the comment and making my post more awesome with the HIMYM reference.

MJ - I also have that secret inside wish, but maybe we can have what shafs suggests and she can use her name for work (stage name), but be Mrs Dawood at home. I think Katrina Dawood sounds better ;)

shafs - Thanks :). I see what you mean, but I'm thinking if i did convert to Islam I would wanna change my name to something Islamic cos its sort of a rebirth.

Noorjehaan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
saaleha. bamjee. hyphen. said...

The only reason I'm considering the double-barrelling of my surname is for professional reasons. There's another Saaleha Bhamjee who's establishing herself as a writer(her surname has the H, but it's still confusing to people who're not aware of the nuances of the spelling).

Dew said...

As Zahera pointed out Islamically you do not have to change your surname, actually from my limited knowlegde - the Prohphet's wives did not change their surnames.

Both my sisters havn't changed their surnames, although this does lead to some confusion like at a US airport when they deatined my sister because they wanted to know why her surname was diff from her husbands and if she was related some terrorist with the surname Khan and so on. And now when my one sis went to Singapore for her honeymoon hey hubby told me that in the end the hotel staff were so confused they ended up calling HIM Mr. Khan and bowing , instead of Mr Umar, which I thought was so cool. lol.

I would keep my surname, its not big deal, it shouldn't be a big deal. I mean, I've been a part of my family for so long and I'm proud of my surname and its heritage etc. etc.

Course the kids would get the guys surname. I don't want confused kids running around robbing old women and beatin up their peers because they had a confused childhood.

Zahera said...

Dewy- you could always marry someone with the same surname? ;-) *coughs and runs away*

hhmmm EmJay- you might have a point... i got told my surname sounds Spanishy.. i was like ookkk... but my surname shouldnt even be what my surname actually is.. if that makes sense. I quite like the idea of becoming Mrs Zesty Chi.

bb_aisha said...

I won't change my surname. As you said, it's my identity and as Za said, Islamically a woman doesn't have to. It's a Western invention.

I thought I'd have a double-barrelled surname but Bibi-Aisha Wadvalla-whoever does seem a bit much..

KimyaShafinaaz said...

lol @ stage name.. so the suggestion is that professional life is an act? what if it were the other way around and married/private life was the act..
wouldnt that make your Mrs D rather theatrical :P
all in the theatre of emotions.. like i always say: lifes fiction really!

im an identity theorist so i like the idea u mention of choosing a name to signify rebirth.. but then identity isnt one-dimensional in the least and so the change could be seen as an addition to who you are perhaps? ways of being.. i suppose. iv had this debate with numerous people, my friend Patricia (German) married an Indian Muslim dude whose friends call him Sam. But he insisted she change her name to Aysha. She asked me if this was at all necessary. Then yet another friend whose husband didnt mind that she retained her original name. Both women are practising Muslimahs. In the same way that someone shouldnt 'be' Muslim for the sake of someone else, and only because they felt enlightened by what they search for spirituality may have reavealed to them in the form of Islam; naming, and ways of identifying should be a reflective thing. a personal thing. (oh and ditto nooj on the layla bismillah ;) very creative!)

Dew said...


*pinches cheeks*

I better get a visit from you when you this side of the world.

Zahera said...

Oi Dewy :-P Gerroff ma cheeks! *pulls your hair* loooll

Eeerrr hang on! Im the one moving- surely you guys should be making the effort to host and welcome me *sniff* lol xxxx