Wednesday, 9 April 2008

What if ...

What if Samuel L. Jackson did the Cremora commercial:
(Sam. L. rummages through refrigerator)
Sam. L (yells): There is no muthafuckin' Cremora in the muthafuckin' fridge.
Background Lady: Nigga, it not inside, it on top.
Sam. L: Bitch, why you be moving my Cremora?

What if Kim Jong Il played William Wallace (Braveheart):
Kim J: Evely man dies, not evely man rives.

Kim J: They may take our rand, but they will never take our FLEEDOM!!

What if women ruled the world:
Ooh, I hate that China. She went and signed a treaty with North Korea behind my back. She knows North Korea didn't return my perfume and North Korea likes my man Japan. I'm gonna tell all my home girls to boycott China.
China (Calls US): What's the plobrem gir, whats up with the boycotting?
USA: Oh you know what you did, don't play all dumb with me.
China: Bling it on bitch!

What if countries were South Park Characters:
Sudan: Oh my god! They denied Kenya humanitarian aid. Those bastards!

Screw you Iraq, I'm going home.

I dont have weapons of mass destruction, I'm just big-boned

What if Taxi Driver was shot in Chatsworth:
Travisan Bicklesamy:
Ekse you chuning with me? El bra you know who you chuning with? You must be chuning with me, cos I'm aceball here. Hold me back, hold me back.

Personnel Officer: Wanna work uptown nights? Unit 9? Shallcross?
Travisan Bicklesamy: I'll work anytime, anywhere, ekse.
Personnel Officer: Will you work on Christmas?
Travisan Bicklesamy: Anytime, anywhere ekse, I'm porridge.

What if real life was a Bollywood movie:
Boy: I like you
Girl: I hate you
*Sing song*
Boy: I love you
Girl: I love you too

Boy: The girl I love, loves someone else
*Rain falls to mask tears*
Girl: It's ok, he died in some tragic accident, let's get together
*Sings song*
Boy: I love you
Girl: I love you too

Till next time in Waseem world


Saaleha Bamjee-Mayet said...


What if Waseem was president of Zimbabwe?

Anonymous said...

lol cool post -made me smile -thanks

Noorjehaan said...

this was funny!
new vocab to try out- afrikaans word for nonsense- it works

The Organ Harvester said...

kak funny post. I see we been drinking waseem juice again. nice one bruva! Free the slaves!

M Junaid said...

best post ive read in ages. across blogger world . love the samuel L Jackson one.

The inspired has become the Inspiree - sounds almost as dumb as that stupid superman returns line!

i'l think of some and post them

Naseeba said...

what if hitman was playedby a cooler actor and had better action?
motherfucking sword fighting
what if silver surfer never left earth?
what if I had something meaningful to comment on?

Naseeba said...

naseeba wtf!

Waseem said...

^^ What if you commented on a blog not noticing which account you are logged in with, little so you know it was your sisters?

What if Naseeba had a blog? *shudder*

That was Hamza btw, good pic.

Thanks for the positive comments guys.

I actually had a dream about Robert Mugabe last night thinking about an answer to Saalehas question. In my dream he still was President but decided to stop being so bad and helping people out.

My great world take over plan starts with Zimbabwe so I can't divulge much about what I will do Saals, but watch this space.

To expand on if bollywood was real life?

Girl: I'm feeling bit dizzy, so hot it is
Old hag aunty: Drink some sugar water ma.
*Girl faints*
Hag Aunty: Hai Ram, she pregnant.
Girl: Na its just bit ...
Hag aunty: PREGNANT!!!

Girl: I don't feel too well, must be that seafood I had last night.
Old Hag: Drink some sugar water ma.
*Girl Vomits*
Hag Aunty: Hai Ram, she pregnant.
Girl: Na it's just food ...
Hag aunty: PREGNANT!!!

r said...

*dies laughing* now im not gonna concentrate on my jumah!

The K-man said...

Funny post ......Particularly liked the sam jackson one

queen_Lestat said...

What if God was one of us?

(lol sorry, couldn't resist...still can't remember this though,but it feels vaguely familiar)

quraisha said...

hmm...see i havent visited in a while but after reading this, im gonna take up residence here :)
that made my morning!