Thursday, 3 July 2008

It's not just about sex

As I commented on LLOs post 'Theory of housewives' earlier - 'This is a good topic, ...' So I would like to add my opinion in post form, if LLO doesn't mind.

As far back as a decade, I would say, it was still easy to live with having just a single breadwinner, for most families at least. But with the increasing costs of everything from school fees to bubblegum, I just don't think it is possible anymore. So working wives are more the norm these days than the exception.

For me, if my wife wanted to work, then it would be her choice, provided that does not hamper her duties towards the family. And this is a two-way thing. My job shouldn't affect my duties towards the family as well. I don't get why people believe that it's a wife's job to bring up the family and husband's job to bring money into the house. So with this ideology, they say 'It's fine, my wife can work, but she must still have time to do housework, look after kids etc.'.

In my un-experienced opinion, marriage is about compromise, it's not just about your rights, it is about mutual satisfaction in the decisions that you make. We had a great talk at the conference about marriage and basically, that like all things, marriage takes time and effort.

Till next time in Waseem world


SingleGuy said...

What? No Satire?

Noorjehaan said...

yeah now its the ever opinionated waseem lol. the pic looks like you're saying no sex in marriage :/

Noorjehaan said...

yeah now its the ever opinionated waseem lol. the pic looks like you're saying no sex in marriage :/

Zahera said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zahera said...

hahahahaha @noorj! :-D
Agree with your sentiments. Aslong as neither neglect their duty to each other and their family then its all fine. Marriage is all about compromise. Its amazing how much each will sacrifice in order to please and make the other happy. Whats even more amazing is when this sacrifice and compromise is commited without any feelings of resentment... :-) yeh, love (and sex-loooll) really is an amazing thing!

Waseem said...

Singleguy - i think im gonna copy that and make that as a tag for my non-satire posts, albeit they aren;t that many.

Nooj - :D:D:D, you sound really disappointed by that. I was bit doubtful of it myself, but I think if you read the small print then it fits.

Zahera - Do you want to go into working world/ are you? Whats your husbands opinion on it? I'll have to take your word for it for the moment (about the sex ;))

Zahera said...

I always saw myself working. Its a concept that always existed in my world because my mum was/is a working mum. She managed to work, look after us, keep the house spotless clean, read to us, bake cookies with us- you name it! She was and is literally super mum! With the encouragement of my dad, she even managed to work part time and get herself a degree! (Something her dad wouldnt allow as she was a "girl"). So in honesty i have this role model who just lives up to everything i believe a woman is capable of!

Im not working at present and im not sure whether there ever will come a time where i will. InshaAllah i hope so and ofcourse it depends on a number of factors. One being my husbands take on it. My husband holds a very Islamic perspective where he believes that there is no need for me to go out and work because he can provide for me and more importantly he is answerable for sending me out to work (especially in a mixed environment). I repect this completely and he has a point. If he is the one who will be questioned about it and there is no need for me to go out and provide then why should i? Yes, there are other reasons besides financial ones such as personal growth and development for wanting to work- but like i said, maybe in the future if the oppportunity arises where i can work within my own boundaries that we are both comfortable with then my husband would support 100%
The only issue i have with working women (and this is relevant to myself and something i strongly believe in), is that- IF it ever conflicted with my duties as a wife or as a mother then i wouldnt work. My family comes first to me and if i feel they are being neglected in order for me to climb the career ladder then that is just something i am not willing to do.

It is a womans natural fitrah that she looks after her home, her husband and her children first. Its nothing to do with this warped twisted idea of women being cooped up in the house all day and having to do all the chores whilst the husband comes home and then does nothing. Not at all- if it is, then quite frankly there is something wrong in your relationship more than anything else.

Whats also amazing is that a woman can be completely satisfied with staying at home, looking after the children and doing what she enjoys in her own spare time without having any responsibilities or stressors of work! Sounds like a pretty good life to me! Why would anyone not want it? lol. In places like SA you have even more opportunity to go out and use your time wisely cos you have maids. Its not like you need to stay home in order to clean for hours on end.

As muslim women- we should feel empowered to go out and do more. Yes our place is primarily in the home but there are countless examples of the sahaabiyeen who utilised their skills and stregths by providing a service to the rest of the ummah or wider world! Rufaida RA is just one woman who comes to mind. Not only did she put up tents during the battles to tend to the wounded soldiers of Allah, but she also set up clinics and care centers. She also set up social community work, where she would visit peoples homes to discuss their illness/problems! SubhanAllah! there is so much more we as women can offer to the world and thats something we need to bear in mind.

M Junaid said...

i was going to read 50 pages of LOTR today but i chose to read Zestys comment instead. Lotr would have been shorter :P

What about those of us who are getting married for the sex?

Waseem said...

MJ - then woe unto you. thats all im saying. woe.

Zahera - Thanks for that. I can see this is something you are very passionate about. I wish more women and girls would think like you. Most women these days seem to have this quest for independence when in reality these relationships basic concept is dependence. Obviously certain conditions and circumstances call for independence, but if you are sacrificing/compromising on a loved ones happiness to gain that, is independence really worth it?

Legend Lives On said...

I agree with you.. Dual income is vital esp in todays times and with the cost of things these days.. I went shopping for household stuff this weekend..

Noticed the prices of fridges lately ??

And YES.. I did APOLOGISE for the nature of my post..


icanbuyhappiness said...

Your post has been linked here :)