Thursday, 21 August 2008

The Char Knight

Warning - This post contains spoilers. And yes I know MJ already did a Batman Parody, but he challenged me to do better after I critiqued his. Competition is the something something of something (can't remember the quote)


Meeting of the Dons of Chatsworth, chaired by the Golden Jewellers Lani, Richou Singh.

Richou: Bra’s we gathered here today to chune where must hide all the crown and how we can dalla the Batman. Does anyone know who he is, so we can find out where he bly and chune his ma?

2 Cents Seelan: Ya bra, he vyed school with me, his house name is Batmendren, but everyone call him Batman for short.

Lucker Lesley: That don’t make sense ekse, why they don’t call him Batmen then?

2 Cents: It make cents bra, how your name Woolaganathan and we call you Lesley.

Richou: Enough ou’s, we need to work together and dalla him one time. Who got one plan?

Everyone is silent, cos they all skrik for the Batman. Suddenly this bra comes with span Kaajal in his eyes and white Huldi on his face, and red mendhi on his lips.

Joker: I got one plan ous, gee me half the crown I’ll chune you’ll how it vys.

Richou: Bra, who you? I chuned the ous at Savera to make the sign say only Dons must come.

Joker: I’m the Joker ekse, you never hear of me before?

Richou: I take out jokers when I play thunee. Anyway you said you got a plan. Chune chune.

Joker: Ha ha, bra you gee me half your money I’ll dalla Batman for you, and I’ll chune the plan.

Richou: How about I give 5 grand and new Samsung U700?

Joker: Ha ha, and I thought I was the Joker. Samsung’s ma. Gee me one Nokia N95 8gig ekse.

Richou: No stock. Ok check yer, I’ll give you quarter the crown, half loaf beans bunny and Liverpool shirt from Workshop fleamarket.

Joker: OK shot, here’s the plan.

Span stuff happens, one two ous vret, and Joker chune he will kill more ous if Batman don’t come. So this bra Harvey Dent (Pragasen) chune he Batman, but it’s a setup and they catch the Joker, but his ous manage to kidnap Rachel (Devagie) Dawes, Batmans stekkie, and Harvey Dent (Pragasen), his bra, but he also Devagie’s outie, it’s a love triangle like Kuch Kuch. So Batman vy to work Joker for him to chune where he hiding them.

Batman: Joker, where you hiding Devagie and Pragasen and all, chune before I bust you up. Hold me back, Hold me back.

Joker: Ekse, I know wheres Devagie and I know wheres Pragasen but I don’t need this all and all?

Batman: Oh ya you. So what you saying Dad, you know where they are?

Joker: You check it’s like this, you know Naidoo’s tuckshop, you come by this one right, right? Don’t take that right, take the next right, right? Then vy straight until you come by one jackfruit tree. Then vy back little bit and take your left, right? And Devagie is by the posse next to the Litchis tree.

Batman: Oh Selvan’s posse. And Pragasen?

Joker: That ou parking by on the roof of Chatsworth Main. But chune me, why you smaak that Devagie so much? Her face like one bulldog.

Batman: I smaak for the big ones, you know how it is.

Joker: Oh ya you.

Batman chune his bra Gordon vy save Pragasen and he will vy save Devagie, cos he scheme might get some action. But when he get to Selvans posse, he find Pragasen there and look like someone lit one Indian King by his face. By the time Gordon get to Chatsworth Main, Devagie gets blown up, cos Gordon stopped to buy airtime. Gordon feels swak so he vys to check Pragasen in the hospital.

Gordon: Hey Pregs, how’s it vying?

Pragasen: Gordon chune me plain down how it look?

Gordon: Bra it looks tops, I think I’m gonna burn my face too, it be like the new style.

Pragasen: Gordon, chune me waar or I’ll rub my burnt face on you.

Gordon: Eew. Ok! Ok! It look like one puri one side and patha on the other side.

Pragasen looks bit mal but parks dom little while, then he asks Gordon.

Pragasen: Gordon, chune me what they used to call me back when I was internal affairs? And for waar, or Sathima I’ll wipe my face full on your white shirt.

Gordon: Burnt Face Preggie.

Meanwhile Joker doing one two swak things, and everyone getting skrik and wanna kick it from the city on couple boats.

Joker: This announcement sponsored by Nalis silk saris. Bra’s the boats got one two bombs, and on the boats there are one two detonators if you’ll press it I’ll let you’ll live.

The ous find the detonators and press it but the boats get blown up.

Joker: Ha ha, I popped those ou’s. I’m the don.

Batman finds Joker and chunes him swak at the top of the tower.

Batman: Ey, why you dallaed those ous swak and vat my stekkie too, I’m gonna work you now.

Joker: Bra, I did you a favour, even stekkie’s bru look better than her.

Batman: Ya that’s what you think. Take you madar.

Batman bust Joker up and tie him up, but then he get sms. Please call PREGYGOTMYLITY at 0705346781. No address nothing but he vys to check out Selvan’s posse cos that’s where all the action is.

Pragasen: Batman, its your fault Devagie is dead, for that sake I’m gonna rub my face on this lighty.

Batman: Pregs, loss the lighty, and lets speech fair fair.

They start speeching and vy close to one bank, and Gordon checks them and tries to break it up.

Gordon: Squash the speech, squash the speech.

Batman: Hold me back, hold me back

As Gordon pulls Batman back, Pragasen loses balance and falls to his death.

Batman: Haha that ou caught a drop.

Then he hears the kerels.

Batman: Eish, the polices, lemme vy, sight you Gordon.

Gordon: Ok lucker, ey bra I’m breaking that Batman sign thing, my light bill cameway lot last month.

Batman: Ok, shot.


Till next time in Waseem world.

Monday, 18 August 2008

Top 10 Movies (Circa 2005-2008)

MJs movie list for the best 10 movies for the last 4 years (2005-2008) was crap, so I decided to blog my list to show him all the movies he missed out on. My judging criteria has entertainment value featuring highly, while good story and dialogue also very important. Im sure MJ and definitely Hamza wont agree with my list, but their ma :). I shortlisted 25 great movies, I struggled to decide a couple but my top 5 were set in stone.

10. Pick of Destiny

I didn't watch this movie till a couple months ago, but I have been singing the songs ever since, to the irritation of some friends even. The best musical I have seen since Little shop of Horrors.

9. 300

This was actually going to be Juno when I started this post last week, but I changed my decision when I thought about both these movies individually, and I was more out of 300. Juno's dialogue was awesome, only Kiss Kiss Bang Bang's dialogue was better from recent movies that I have seen but 300 visually and action-wise and overall entertainment-wise was much better.

8. Lil Miss Sunshine

Lil Miss Sunshine can be described as a dark comedy, yet it had amazing charm and cleverness. The premise of the story is very well put together and put across.

7. Madagascar

When I first watched this movie I thought it was OK, but when I watched it again I marvelled at the little bits I missed on first watch, and on third viewing I found more tidbits of humor (especially by the lemur-like things). This movie gets better on every watch and is now one of my favorite animated movies of all time.

6. Get Smart

This movie is the funniest spy movie I've seen since the Austin Powers movies. I feared maybe another Johnny English but Steve Carrell really pulled through and Anne Hathaway was gorgeous.

5. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Coolest, cleverest movie. I mentioned it before on my blog as one of the best movies you may have never seen. If you like quick-witted dark comedies with an element of suspense KKBB is the pinnacle of that genre.

4. The Dark Knight

Great story and a Joker who will probably go down as best villain in recent memory. Heath Ledger surpassed Jack Nicholson, that is as a great a compliment as I can give.

3. 40 year old Virgin

Best comedy of the last 5 years at the very least.

2. Stardust

Stardust is the perfect amalgamation of romance, fantasy, adventure and charm..

1. The Departed

To coin a phrase 'This movie was Don!'

Till next time in Waseem world.

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

It's all R&B to me

Listening to East Coast Radio is like going to a Debs Ball, most of the time. Slow, back in the day songs we have long forgotten and for good reason. It has its plusses though because it carries with it a wave of nostalgia. The rest of the time however they play R&B.

Does anyone remember what R&B supposed to stand for? Cos now its more like Random & Brainless. I probably am guilty of grouping all rubbish songs together so it's all R&B to me. To me, lyrics are the most important part of songs, something R&B seems to totally disregard.

Here are some of the worst lyrics I have had the misfortune of hearing.

50 Cent - 21 Questions

I love you like a fat kid loves cake

Maybe he loves her alot when he has her but when she is gone, he regrets the relationship. Deep.

Shakira - Whenever, Wherever

Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don't confuse them with mountains

Maybe I should excuse cos English isn't her first language but then why does she sing in it. She has also other nonsensical songs like 'Underneath your skin'.

Gwen Stefani - Sweet Escape

Cause I've been acting like sour milk all on the floor
It's your fault you didn't shut the refrigerator

Maybe that's the reason I've been acting so cold?

Gwen Stefani used to rock with No Doubt, well I liked Don't Speak, and she is married to one of the great rockers of our generation, Gavin Rossdale of Bush. So can someone tell me why she has lost her mind?

Jimmy Soul - Happy for the rest of your life

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty women your wife

Ya ... you do that and tell me how it works out for you.

Beyonce - Check on it

Dip it, pop it, twork it, stop it, check on me tonight

I'm not sure if I blogged this before, but I hate Beyonce. Her voice, the way she looks, her attitude, her perfume line, everything. I could have chosen a number of lyrics for her, but this was first one that came to mind. What the hell is a twork?

Sean Paul - Temperature

Gal don't say me crazy now, this strange love it a no Bridgette and Flava show..
Time fi a make baby now so stop gwaan like you a act shady yo...

I copied all these lyrics straight from, so thats how he actually sings. Why is this guy famous? Noone can understand what he is saying, but maybe it is a small mercy we can't . There is a character in GTA4, Lil Jacob, who talks similarly. He is endearing. This is not. Only thing he is good for is parody.

Till next time in Waseem world.

Thursday, 7 August 2008

Batman bandwagon

Dedicated to Hamish 'Shah Rukh' Pillay for the outstanding achievement of winning the Citizen Book Prize. He was even in the paper. First Top Billing, now this. This man is going places, with his red shirt.

Congrats Hamish.

Till next time in Waseem world.

Monday, 4 August 2008

A turning tide ...

Poor men have it

Rich men need it

It is more evil than the devil

It is greater than God

If you eat it, you will die.

What is it?

I will delete all correct guesses, if you already know the answer, don't spoil it for everyone. This riddle is not of my own creation, I received it in a mail, and decided to post it. Bonus point if you can guess where the title is from, it is an additional clue.

Till next time in Waseem world.