Thursday, 21 August 2008

The Char Knight

Warning - This post contains spoilers. And yes I know MJ already did a Batman Parody, but he challenged me to do better after I critiqued his. Competition is the something something of something (can't remember the quote)

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Meeting of the Dons of Chatsworth, chaired by the Golden Jewellers Lani, Richou Singh.

Richou: Bra’s we gathered here today to chune where must hide all the crown and how we can dalla the Batman. Does anyone know who he is, so we can find out where he bly and chune his ma?

2 Cents Seelan: Ya bra, he vyed school with me, his house name is Batmendren, but everyone call him Batman for short.

Lucker Lesley: That don’t make sense ekse, why they don’t call him Batmen then?

2 Cents: It make cents bra, how your name Woolaganathan and we call you Lesley.

Richou: Enough ou’s, we need to work together and dalla him one time. Who got one plan?

Everyone is silent, cos they all skrik for the Batman. Suddenly this bra comes with span Kaajal in his eyes and white Huldi on his face, and red mendhi on his lips.

Joker: I got one plan ous, gee me half the crown I’ll chune you’ll how it vys.

Richou: Bra, who you? I chuned the ous at Savera to make the sign say only Dons must come.

Joker: I’m the Joker ekse, you never hear of me before?

Richou: I take out jokers when I play thunee. Anyway you said you got a plan. Chune chune.

Joker: Ha ha, bra you gee me half your money I’ll dalla Batman for you, and I’ll chune the plan.

Richou: How about I give 5 grand and new Samsung U700?

Joker: Ha ha, and I thought I was the Joker. Samsung’s ma. Gee me one Nokia N95 8gig ekse.

Richou: No stock. Ok check yer, I’ll give you quarter the crown, half loaf beans bunny and Liverpool shirt from Workshop fleamarket.

Joker: OK shot, here’s the plan.

Span stuff happens, one two ous vret, and Joker chune he will kill more ous if Batman don’t come. So this bra Harvey Dent (Pragasen) chune he Batman, but it’s a setup and they catch the Joker, but his ous manage to kidnap Rachel (Devagie) Dawes, Batmans stekkie, and Harvey Dent (Pragasen), his bra, but he also Devagie’s outie, it’s a love triangle like Kuch Kuch. So Batman vy to work Joker for him to chune where he hiding them.

Batman: Joker, where you hiding Devagie and Pragasen and all, chune before I bust you up. Hold me back, Hold me back.

Joker: Ekse, I know wheres Devagie and I know wheres Pragasen but I don’t need this all and all?

Batman: Oh ya you. So what you saying Dad, you know where they are?

Joker: You check it’s like this, you know Naidoo’s tuckshop, you come by this one right, right? Don’t take that right, take the next right, right? Then vy straight until you come by one jackfruit tree. Then vy back little bit and take your left, right? And Devagie is by the posse next to the Litchis tree.

Batman: Oh Selvan’s posse. And Pragasen?

Joker: That ou parking by on the roof of Chatsworth Main. But chune me, why you smaak that Devagie so much? Her face like one bulldog.

Batman: I smaak for the big ones, you know how it is.

Joker: Oh ya you.

Batman chune his bra Gordon vy save Pragasen and he will vy save Devagie, cos he scheme might get some action. But when he get to Selvans posse, he find Pragasen there and look like someone lit one Indian King by his face. By the time Gordon get to Chatsworth Main, Devagie gets blown up, cos Gordon stopped to buy airtime. Gordon feels swak so he vys to check Pragasen in the hospital.

Gordon: Hey Pregs, how’s it vying?

Pragasen: Gordon chune me plain down how it look?

Gordon: Bra it looks tops, I think I’m gonna burn my face too, it be like the new style.

Pragasen: Gordon, chune me waar or I’ll rub my burnt face on you.

Gordon: Eew. Ok! Ok! It look like one puri one side and patha on the other side.

Pragasen looks bit mal but parks dom little while, then he asks Gordon.

Pragasen: Gordon, chune me what they used to call me back when I was internal affairs? And for waar, or Sathima I’ll wipe my face full on your white shirt.

Gordon: Burnt Face Preggie.

Meanwhile Joker doing one two swak things, and everyone getting skrik and wanna kick it from the city on couple boats.

Joker: This announcement sponsored by Nalis silk saris. Bra’s the boats got one two bombs, and on the boats there are one two detonators if you’ll press it I’ll let you’ll live.

The ous find the detonators and press it but the boats get blown up.

Joker: Ha ha, I popped those ou’s. I’m the don.

Batman finds Joker and chunes him swak at the top of the tower.

Batman: Ey, why you dallaed those ous swak and vat my stekkie too, I’m gonna work you now.

Joker: Bra, I did you a favour, even stekkie’s bru look better than her.

Batman: Ya that’s what you think. Take you madar.

Batman bust Joker up and tie him up, but then he get sms. Please call PREGYGOTMYLITY at 0705346781. No address nothing but he vys to check out Selvan’s posse cos that’s where all the action is.

Pragasen: Batman, its your fault Devagie is dead, for that sake I’m gonna rub my face on this lighty.

Batman: Pregs, loss the lighty, and lets speech fair fair.

They start speeching and vy close to one bank, and Gordon checks them and tries to break it up.

Gordon: Squash the speech, squash the speech.

Batman: Hold me back, hold me back

As Gordon pulls Batman back, Pragasen loses balance and falls to his death.

Batman: Haha that ou caught a drop.

Then he hears the kerels.

Batman: Eish, the polices, lemme vy, sight you Gordon.

Gordon: Ok lucker, ey bra I’m breaking that Batman sign thing, my light bill cameway lot last month.

Batman: Ok, shot.


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Till next time in Waseem world.

7 comments:

Saaleha Bamjee-Mayet said...

I read this with an accent.
Brilliant dude. Like I said on gtalk.

Khadija said...

the great lives up to greatness... it's brilliant, i agree with saaleha you've got dialect and accent down pat.

M Junaid said...

Kudos son. You've outdid me. I feel almost sanitised when i read my version again. Does this mean i'm the indian equivalent to a coconut? Hmmm. I wonder what that'l be. We know that a chinese equivalent is a tinkie (ref Harold and kumar) hmm.

yesterday i created a new market segment- cadbury chocolate eclair. Indians who are deeply immersed in urban culture. Names a bit long though.

desert demons said...

ey bru! i peed myself laffing! Way better than that Dark Knight n all!

Delon said...

Bwoohahaha....

Definitely your most funny!!

D

Bibi-Aisha said...

yup-has to be read with accent. but acccent comes naturally as one reads. u & mj have too much time on ur hands & while i havent watched Dark Knight (nor did I want to-yes, uncultured me) I enjoyed this

Anonymous said...

Hi. The location was wheatish.