Friday, 2 December 2011

Unnecessary Censorship In Movies

I saw this video recently called ‘Unnecessary Censorship in Skyrim’, if you don’t know Skyrim, it is tis massive RPG and basically overtaken people’s lives, mine included. The video itself just bleeps out innocent words to make it seem like a swearword, so my blogging idea was to do the same to famous movie quotes. I got the movie quotes from a wiki article ‘AFI’s 100 years ...100 movie quotes’. (I still haven’t given Jimmy Wales any money, he can :( all he wants on Wikipedia)

"I love the smell of @#*! in the morning."

"A census taker once tried to @#*! me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti."

"Show me the @#*!!"

"I am big! It's the @#*! that got small."

"You know how to @#*!, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together and blow."

"If you @#*! it, he will come."

"We'll always @#*! Paris."

"I @#*! dead people."

"You had me at '@#*!'"

"I have always depended on the @#*! of strangers."

"Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are @#*! to death!"

"My mother @#*! you. My father @#*! you. My sister @#*! you. And I @#*! you."

"Nobody @#*! Baby in a corner."

"I'll @#*! you, my pretty, and your little dog too!"

I didn’t know some of these quotes, but they worked well for my purpose.

Till next time in Waseem world.

Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Social Media Slump

Lately I've found myself getting over social media, namely Twitter and Facebook, but really what else is there. The reason I believe this is due to overexposure to what people are thinking and feeling and even the aspects of Twitter and Facebook I found appealing are now beginning to grate. I'll give you a few examples of things on Twitter and Facebook that are becoming annoying:-

- I like jokes on twitter, what I don't like is the same jokes over and over again, retweeted over and over and tweeted by multiple people trying to pass them off as their own.

- I like hearing about current events, what I don't like is every single person retweeting and saying the same things over and over for the next 2 days about the same event and tweeting every single tidbit that they find out said current event.

- I like witty conversations between people, what I don't like is people using twitter to have conversations they could have over chat or sms, that have no need for the public forum such as Twitter or Facebook.

- I can accept someone complaining about something going on like a power outage or pothole, but doing it every day, do we need to know? Do we care?

- What is up with sad face tweets and fb statuses, either do a whole tweet saying what the issue is or keep your emoticons to yourself, or actually just keep your emoticons to yourself.

I know the rational response is, it is who you follow and bla bla bla, but I find nearly everyone does this stuff, which leads me to believe this social media lark is just not worth it.

Till next time in Waseem world.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

15 Movie Questions list

Nafisa showed me this list, and I thought it would be cool to do.

1. Movie you love with a passion.
Fight Club, but my recent love is Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World

2. Movie you vow to never watch.
Twilight, any of them for whatever reason.

3. Movie that literally left you speechless.
Memento, also Donnie Darko for WTFness

4. Movie you always recommend.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

5. Actor/actress you always watch, no matter how crappy the movie.
Edward Norton, he is the don.

6. Actor/actress you don’t get the appeal for.
Keira Knightly, she sucks.

7. Actor/actress, living or dead, you’d love to meet.
Steve Carrell, because he seems as funny in person as characters he plays.

8. Sexiest actor/actress you’ve seen. (Picture required!)
Anne Hathaway, don't need a pic, you know what she looks like. Was going to say Katrina Kaif but she isn't much of an actress

9. Dream cast.
Steve Carrell, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Ryan Gosling and Ed Norton

10. Favorite actor pairing.
Steve Carrell and Tina Fey

11. Favorite movie setting.
New Zealand aka Lotr

12. Favorite decade for movies.
00's, subjective though, more because most of my favorite movies at this point come from this decade

13. Chick flick or action movie?
Prefer comedy personally, but lesser of 2 evils is action

14. Hero, villain or anti-hero?
Anti-hero fo shizzle

I think we've gotten past tagging people but I will tag whoever wants to do this and specifically MJ and Corpsekicker cos I know they will enjoy it.

Till next time in Waseem world.

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

5 Ways The Internet Is Making Us Dumber

Google search and Wikipedia readily offer answers at our fingertips these days, and as smart as that makes us feel, I feel the Internet is actually making us dumber. Here are a few reasons why:

1.       Facebook Reminders: In the old days, as we will tell our children, there was no Facebook. ‘How did we know who our friends were’, ‘How did you know what they were doing’, ‘Where did you post your pics of you in the bathroom mirror with your phone camera’, they will ask. Yes, there was a time we couldn’t do those things, a simpler time purists will say. Another thing we didn’t have was Facebook reminders which told us when someone’s birthday was, so we had to remember it manually. By relying on Facebook for remembering something so simple, we have become lazy to remember stuff because we depend on Facebook to do the remembering.

2.       140 characters in Twitter: Twitter only allows you a maximum of 140 characters, which means you have to get point across in as few words as possible. While some people sometimes tweet longer, or break their tweets up, most people don’t and shouldn’t because that is kinda against the point of tweets. Most people sacrifice spelling and grammar in their tweets to reduce the number of characters, which leads to a disregard for spelling and grammar in general usage. And anyone who writes stuff like ‘Ur da best’ sounds like an idiot.

3.       Google/Wikipedia Search: I touched on this earlier, how these give us answers at our fingertips, but just like Facebook, this creates laziness, as it lifts the burden of knowledge. So we don’t feel the need to ever know anything because we can always google/wiki it later.

4.       Procrastination: How did people procrastinate before the internet? Internet presents a huge potential for procrastination and distraction, as an example I’m doing this blogpost instead of doing the documentation I should be doing.

5.       Disinformation: We are supposedly living in the Information Age, but in reality the Internet provides just as much disinformation as information. As Terry Pratchett said, “A lie will run around the world while the truth is still getting its boots on” (I just read that some James Watt guy said this, whatever, I read it in a Terry Pratchett book) With Twitter trending topics, rumors are easily started but not as easily stopped. You can even find two totally contrasting answers to the same question and whatever your bias is you will consider that the ‘truth’.

Till next time in Waseem world.

Monday, 8 August 2011

Keep Ramadan fever up (Tik Tok parody)

It's been another long while since I blogged and I've been meaning to blog for a while but I lack the general inspiration but enough of my sad stories, here is the parody based on Kesha's Tick Tock, the lyrics are fairly dumb, but an improvement on the stupidity of the original.

Wake up in the morning feeling bit dizzy
Read some Ikhlaas, make some dhor. I'm gonna hit this sehri
Before I leave, brush my teeth with a piece of miswaak.
Cuz when I leave my bed for sehri I aint coming back.

I'm talkin straightening our rows, rows
Athar on all our clothes, clothes
Silent mode on our phones, phones
Sin stoppin, not playin our favourite cd's
Pullin out of parties
Tryna get a little bit hifzy...

Don't stop. Keep it up, keep Ramadan fever up.
Tonight, imma recite til we see the sunlight
Tik tok on the clock, but the praying don't stop.
Don't stop. Keep it up, keep Ramadan fever up.
Tonight, imma recite til we see the sunlight
Tik tok on the clock, but the praying don't stop.

Aint got a care for this world, it’s the afterlife i fear
Aint got no money in my pocket, but i'm already here,
And now the dudes are linin up cuz they hear we readin witr
But we’re there from the start, even stay for zikr
I'm talkin about errrbody gettin monk
No one eatin no junk
Only haleem and sarbath to be drunk.
Now now we go until muezzin kick us out
Or the mosque is shut down.
Down down. Mo mo is shut down. (Ed Note: I find this line esp cringeworthy)

Don't stop. Keep it up, keep Ramadan fever up.
Tonight, imma recite til we see the sunlight
Tik tok on the clock, but the praying don't stop.
Don't stop. Keep it up, keep Ramadan fever up.
Tonight, imma recite til we see the sunlight
Tik tok on the clock, but the praying don't stop.

Original lyrics

Till next time in Waseem world

Monday, 16 May 2011


It’s been a while since I did a parody post, so might be a bit rusty. This is a parody of Rebecca Black’s Friday, and if you haven’t heard of it then you have probably been living in a cellar. I dedicate this post to MJ because he’s the only one I know who likes it, and Hamza because he was rocking out to it long before it even had 2 million views. This meant to be done on Friday but Blogger was down.

11 a.m., waking up in the morning
Got to be fresh, got to make ghusl
Got to wear my kurtah, got to wear athar
Seeing everything, the time is going
Ticking on and on, everybody’s rushing
Got to get down to the mosque
Got to make my wudhu, I see my friends (my friends)

Kicking in the front saff
Sitting in the back saff
Got to make my mind up
Which saff can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Got to bow down on Friday
Everybody’s looking forward to the kutbah, kutbah
Friday, Friday
Bowing down on Friday
Everybody’s looking forward to the kutbah

Praying and praying (yeah)
Praying and praying (yeah)
Azaan, Azaan, Azaan, Azaan
Looking forward to the kutbah

12:15, we’re driving on the highway
Cruising so fast, I want time to fly
Azaan, Azaan, think I hear Azaan
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My angel is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Kicking in the front saff
Sitting in the back saff
Got to make my mind up
Which saff can I take?

It’s Friday, Friday
Got to bow down on Friday
Everybody’s looking forward to the kutbah, kutbah
Friday, Friday
Bowing down on Friday
Everybody’s looking forward to the kutbah

Praying and praying (yeah)
Praying and praying (yeah)
Azaan, Azaan, Azaan, Azaan
Looking forward to the kutbah

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today is Friday, Friday (praying)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We going to have dhall today

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes afterwards
I don’t want this kutbah to end

Till next time in Waseem world

Thursday, 5 May 2011

Women Presidents

I think that maybe it is time there were more women in power, because they can’t possibly do a worse job than the men are currently doing. Actually I believe there isn’t much one person can do in today’s political structures but this not the road I want to take this post down; neither do I have the political nous to back that statement up. Here are a few women, who I think might make great presidents, and some possible pitfalls in their campaigns.

Khadija Patel
Why she would make a great president: Khadija Patel is like a real life celebrity, and I went to her house! One day, they are going to show her house on Cribs. Khadija is so famous that this is likely conversation. Person A: Khadija Patel just tweeted something about Jacob Zuma. Person B: Who’s Jacob Zuma? Besides her fame, Khadija is also one of the smartest and caring people that I know, although I’m not sure those are criteria presidents usually satisfy. They should, in my opinion.

Why she shouldn’t be president: Khadija spreads herself too thin as she is always doing millions of things at once. Allah only knows how she gets everything done. She would probably be sworn in as Minister of every portfolio because there is no one better qualified and burn herself out.

Why she would be a great president: I don’t know anyone who can champion a cause as passionately and ardently as Noorjehaan does. She is someone who I think people would find easy to believe in and support.

Why she shouldn’t be president: If Noorjehaan were president, she would take the budget and give 95% of it to Education and 5% to charity. She would also reshape the entire education so that is unrecognisable, which although im my opinion not a bad thing would be quite a culture shock to the country.

Why she would be a great president: Azra seems to me to be a very opinionated, strong-willed and determined person. If she were president she would make every month a new challenge for each Ministerial department to clean up their act.

Why she shouldn’t be president: I think if Azra became president, the tenure would be most remembered for “cruel and unusual punishments”

Why she would be a great president: *rah is the smartest person I know, she knows just about everything there is to know about everything. If I went on “Who wants to be a millionaire?” she would be my “phone a friend” for all categories besides perhaps sport.

Why she shouldn’t be president: If *rah became president she will lead a genocide against all the stupid people and based on the sample size of people I know, that is about 80% of the population. She would then lead the survivors against the rest of the world’s stupid until stupidity was extinct.

Bibi Aisha
Why she would make a great president: Bibi has had a lot of exposure to all the different kinds of government and would bring that awareness to her tenure. I also think she has the most political smarts of the people I know to actually be able to pull off a presidency.

Why she shouldn’t be president: Bibi would be very Thabo Mbeki-ish in that she will be going all over the place on diplomatic missions, and would hardly be in the country, though I bet she would be more sensible about AIDS.

Till next time in Waseem world.

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

A Toast ...

I meant to write this last week, but due to amalgam of work, procrastination and lack of inspiration, I had to postpone till I had the time. I think this post might be a bit late, but this is my best man (;)) speech.

I met MJ over blogging in 2006 at a bowling blog meet. We have a lot in common, mainly movies and games so we quickly bonded. Only 4 years ago, but it seems like we have known each other for much longer than that, maybe 5 years. Over those years we have grown quite close (not in a gay way), which in itself is remarkable as I do not have many male friends, primarily because guys are assholes. That is not to say MJ is not an asshole (not that I’m not either) but I think MJ’s sister in law (@pandora2707) put it well when she tweeted “At first I thought my brother-in-law @concerningmj was a dick. Now I see he's a dick without knowing it. Couldn't be prouder <3>

So on my blog, I raise a toast to Kareema and MJ, may their love and happiness continue to grow.

Till next time in Waseem world.

Friday, 18 February 2011

Shorty’s love is like a pyramid

A week or so ago, during a recent trip up to Johannesburg, my brother’s choice of CD playing, a song came on. It started off with “Shorty’s love is like a pyramid…” before it was promptly skipped, and I was glad because it was a shit sounding song. It did however get me wondering in what ways shorty’s love could possibly be like a pyramid. Shorty, if you don’t know, is slang for a girlfriend, although I’m not sure if she is still a shorty if she is taller than the guy.

Here are a few ways the singer may be likening shorty’s love to pyramid, shorty’s love could be:-
a. Triangle shaped
b. In Egypt
c. Made out of bricks
d. Rumored to be constructed by aliens
e. The tomb of an ancient Egyptian king
f. Built by slaves
g. A wonder of the modern world (this is a good one)

I’ve googled the lyrics for the song but it’s all gibberishy to me, so I think my comparisons are probably better.

Till next time in Waseem world.

Monday, 24 January 2011

At The Movies With Waseem

Last year was a crap year for movies, bar a few notable exceptions, so I found myself going to movies even less than usual, which used to be almost every week. I think I've also become very choosy with movies so I don't stand crap, hence me stopping watching Bollywood movies. I think my choosiness has spread to MJ also because he also doesn't watch any crap anymore, which Kareema should thank me dearly for, because else her life would have been wasted watching The Rock movies.

I'm going to do my own annual movie awards following MJ's model but adding in a few categories as well as removing a few.

Best animated movie
Despicable Me

Worst Animated Movie
Shrek forever after

Best Comic Book Movie
Scott Pilgrim

Best Bollywood Song
Don't watch the movies so this category is turned to best song, cos I still listen to the music if they are good.
Tere Mast Mast Do Nain - Dabangg

Best Adaptation
Scott Pilgrim

Best movie most people will overlook
dinner for Schmucks cos it wasn't released in SA

Crappiest Sequel
Shrek forever After

Best Movie experience
Scott Pilgrim (I less than 3 this movie!)

Biggest movie thats not in my list except here just to point out that it didnt win anything
Social Network

Best Sequel
Toy Story 3

Most surprisingly awesome
The A-Team

Worst movie MJ picked

Best Comedy
Cop Out

Biggest disappointment
Get Him to the Greek

Worst Adaptation
Prince of Persia

Worst Movie
From Paris with Love (Fuck this movie! Hate it so much!!!)

Movie of the Year

The John Travolta award for crap acting
From Paris with Love (Go to Hell John Travolta!!!)

Till next time in Waseem world